i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
