I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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