Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
