My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
