I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize