so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
