Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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