I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
