is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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