living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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