I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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