hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
