I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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