my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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