mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
