I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
