Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
