WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
