Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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