Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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