you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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