dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
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I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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