Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
