i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
