evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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