come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
