If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Houston, we have a blender
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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