There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
