I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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