I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
