I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
