So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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