Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
