i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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