I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
