I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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