new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize