If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
