is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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