It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
