Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
