I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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