like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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