he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
