You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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