Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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