I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
