god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
