I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
