I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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