Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
