You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
