my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
