I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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