he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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