there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
