You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
