It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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