You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
