Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
