if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
