fuck your aforementioned shoe
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
