you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
