I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
