Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
