i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
