its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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