She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
