So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
